Soundtrack in My Mind

Forgot to post this...

In my sociology class today my professor read us some reflections we had written. Basically we had to talk about how we wanted to feel in class, in life, etc. She got super worked up about them as she read, and she cried a number of times. Many people reflected on wanting to feel happy or accomplished or successful, etc. I think I put down that I don't want to feel afraid.

Even though my life is great, and I wouldn't change it for anything, somedays I just get really caught up in all the things I have to do. After dinner I sat down and wrote out all the things I need to do in the next few days, and even though I have some fun things planned, I also have a lot of not-fun things planned. I have like six chapters of my Psychology textbook to read and I need to start coding Mad Max and I should start writing my business plan for publishing...I left for fall break a few weekends ago, and part of me thought that was the end. I assumed I'd get back and not have to do all of this anymore...but I do.

Anyways, as my soc professor replied to my comments, the thing that really stuck with me was this quote.

ALL YOU CAN DO IS MANAGE THE STRUGGLE.

I hate to think that I'm giving up. My fifth class doesn't even start until Tuesday and here I am flopping around complaining. I have the time, I have the list of things to do, I just don't follow through. I'm too lenient. I'm too lazy.  Scratch that I'm smart, I've done things way more overwhelming. Hell, last semester I took 18 credits. I kicked my Copyright Class's butt and I've written a 500 point research paper. I finished Crime and Punishment and I've sung in front of 500 people. It's not a question of whether or not I can do it, it's whether or not I will. Like will I choose to do well on this Psychology test? Will I choose to analyze Mad Max the way it deserves to be analyzed? Will I commit to music publishing when I'm already getting a super high grade in the class? I can't just quit. I'm worth more than quitting. God made me for success and progress and good. And I can feel Satan pushing himself in my mind.

I am good enough.
I am smart enough.
I can do this.
I will do this.
And I will do it well.

Even if I feel like I'm suffocating, God is pulling me to the surface. He's reminding me how much I've handled in the past. I'm good at managing things. When I put my mind to it, I can get the job done. And my mind is there, but Satan keeps pushing it away.

I needed a pep talk today. I didn't realize I was feeling so burdened. I covered up my problems by planning two photoshoots. I watched Twilight instead of reading. I put off and put off and put off in hopes that it'll never come. But everything catches up with you in the end. And if I'm going to do well, I need to get my act together.

And more than anything, I need to get to the gym. I think part of the reason why I've felt so detached lately is because I haven't exercised in months. Like really, get in the habit, exercise. I miss that high that I get when I'm done. When I've accomplished something as small as running a mile.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.