Fallout

The closest friends are always the ones who fall the farthest. I've seen it many times, in both my own friendships and others. And every single time, you think it's going to be easier to see those friendships fall apart, but it's not. Ever. I say this because recently I've seen so many changes in the relationships around me. Most of these changes have been negative, and it makes me sad.

Every single time is the same. Everyone says they'll be friends forever and they'll never change...but everything changes. Usually for different reasons, but the main one is that everyone goes through changes. Maybe that's becoming an adult or witnessing some insane event or even just meeting new people. I personally have experienced a number of fallouts, but the main one is that one member of the friendship believes that the other is inferior. Maybe not consciously, maybe not on purpose, but it happens. There's a realization of "I am so much better than them and they are holding me back. I will find new friends who are more on my level of popularity and awesomeness." And suddenly the so called inferior one becomes forgotten and ignored.

I hate that friendships fall apart, but sometimes it just happens and you can't stop it. And then you find yourself looking back and thinking, "How did we get here?" And you rethink how it ended and if you could have changed anything. You think, "Maybe I can go talk to them and things can be okay again. Maybe I can apologize." But the truth is, you can't. Once one person has given up on a friendship, it's difficult to go back unless that person goes back. And even then, people evolve. The person you left won't be the same. The person who left you won't be the same as you remember. You'll see changes easily, and you'll spend a lot of time dwelling on that. At least... I have.

I say all this because I see three of my good friends (who were closer to each other than me...well...in the past) crumbling under the pressure of themselves and high school. I am like the mediator who learns that one is mad at the other or that one doesn't even know/talk to the other. They used to be like sisters, and that made me insanely jealous...but now...now they are almost nothing. Like, I don't understand how they're still friends. Not saying that in a bad way, but I honestly don't know. Because none of them have that much in common...I just realized that but wow they are all so different and they clash every day.

I don't know. I guess I'm just sad that high school is ending and all these people I used to know are now strangers. And I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I can't. And every time I see those used-to-be friends, I judge them. Hard. And then I have to step back and remember that I used to confide in them. I just...change is hard. And I see it wearing down everyone. And the funny part is, now more than ever everyone is trying to go back to those glory days where everyone was friends. Like, everyone is trying to build bridges to the past. And we try, and try to back, but that's not possible. The past is passed.