My whole life I've told myself that college and growing up will be good for me. I'll find a way to get along and I'll have fun. Well, I'm definitely not thinking that now. My parents keep trying to help me and prepare me, and even though I love them dearly for trying, it's not doing any good. At least, not now. And not for the rest of the summer. They want me to get a job and I want to get a job, but I just don't think I'm capable. I don't think I can grow up. And right now I'm just sitting in my bed listening to SafetySuit thinking about how I'm almost twenty. How the hell have I lived for nearly two decades? I'm supposed to be young. I'm supposed to be going into high school. And now I feel like I've wasted my time. I've been building up to this moment where I graduate high school and go to college and get a job and now I don't know if I want it. I know I want to move out and get away from my parents because they are slowly killing me, but I don't know how that'll happen. Sometimes I wish I could just take all of my stuffed animals of their special shelf around my room and hold them close. God is making my path so hard. Not because I'm poor or needy or completely out of options, but because it feels like my whole world is crashing down on me. Everything I thought I knew is a lie. Everything I wanted to be is crushed at my feet. Like I'm drowning and I just can't find the rope that will save me. I just want that rope. I need a savior.
"1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress." - Psalm 46
the God of Jacob is our fortress." - Psalm 46
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