I honestly don't even know.

I just finished Wither by Lauren DeStefano and it really made me think about a lot of things. Well, that and some of the little things that happened today.

Life is a funny thing. It's long but short. It's hard but easy. It's fun but boring. Life is everything and nothing all at the same time. And I have been feeling a few things today and I want to type them out.

• I want to find someone to love me. Not to kiss me or touch me or even make me feel pretty. I just want someone who will sit with me and hold me or sit with me in silence or sit with me and laugh at me because they think I'm cute. I just feel like this will never happen. (God, I sincerely hope you're up there laughing your butt off with grand plans of me running into this guy/person in the next few months because if you're not I will be coming up there to have a nice long chat with you.)
• I should have utilized the library for the past four years. Huge mistake that I hope to rectify in the next two weeks.
• Sometimes I feel left out, and it makes me not only lonely but sad and jealous. And I shouldn't feel jealous because people are entitled to leave me out of things. I usually don't like outings or people in general. But somehow, it hurts a little more when I'm just the other friend. The friend who needs to do all these things for people but in the end just gets forgotten. I've had this feeling a number of times before and even though I try to make it seem like it doesn't affect me, it really freaking does. It shouldn't, but it does. And it makes me feel like the clingy bad friend who needs other people to feel happy (which I don't), but I can't stop it. It's like when you see someone you hate get that new thing that you've wanted and they flaunt it in your face and you can't do anything about it.
• I want college to not suck. And I don't think it will.
• I move out in two weeks. I have to pack up my whole life in two freaking weeks. At least I moved my whole DVD collection upstairs so it isn't scattered around the house...
• I got Clash of Kings on audiobook and I'm hoping the 30 discs will get me over this damn hump of a book.
• Sometimes there aren't enough people in this world, and other times there are 6 billion too many.
• Ah loneliness. I thought you had vacationed for a while there, but I see you've found your way back through my door. If only your arms were real.

Why am I so freaking depressing? I need to get over myself and be happy. Life is going great now!! (She says as her soul slowly sinks as she realizes she has no one right now...)