Grades, finals, anxiety.

As you all can tell, I've had a lot on my mind the past few days. And by a lot, I mean avoiding finals and having to deal with the consequences and anxiety of my actions, those actions being procrastinating and watching Lost until eleven o'clock on a school night. I am both super stressed and completely unfazed. After making that study guide for calculus I feel like I might do okay on the final tomorrow, but I haven't even started studying for Physics or German and those are on Thursday and I'm really freaking out because even though I'm not horrible at either of them, I fear that by starting late on studying for them I'm going to jeopardize my grade. Like, Physics I had no idea what I was doing all semester, and yet somehow I managed to get B's on the tests and quizzes. I mean, occasional C's, yes, but mostly low to mid B's. AND I BARELY STUDIED. This is the problem with school and myself. Since I get these not horrible not awesome grades by hardly studying at all (maybe a few formulas, a couple facts) I somehow encourage myself to just not study very hard. Calculus is kind of the same way, but not as much because I just make stupid mistakes. And now I've been looking over old tests in the actual Physics class periods and I don't even know what I'm reading or how I got to the right answers. I'm seriously just a lazy, stupid kid with a talented brain. A talented brain who can B.S. up the wazzoo and still maintain a good grade in the class. Which, yes, that is talent and I'm so great, whatever. No. That's bad. That means I don't study, I don't get A's, and I don't care at all. I care about Lost or Taylor Swift or Les Miserables or my friends or the internet. And even though that's okay in moderation, it's not good when I'm not doing awesomely in a class. My friend, for an example, has a B in calculus. I would be more than happy with a B (please note I don't know what I have in any of my classes because I don't check up on my grades), but she has been worried all week because she thinks her parents would be disappointed with her if she got a B or a C. Even though, yes, I'm sure they would be sad, I can say my parents would not bat an eye. They may ask if I need help in the class, but they wouldn't doubt me or my skills. They'd just tell me to work a little harder. And if I am working as hard as I can, they'd be happy and move on. I don't understand why grades are so important. Like, I understand they help us in life because we have competition and we have to be the best we can be and it tells us how well we are understanding material and such, but honestly, grades are just stress. If I could just take classes without worrying about my grade at the end of the semester, I might actually pay attention. I might not, and that's my fault, but I don't think parents should beat down on their kids that they have to succeed to the highest extent. If they have the expectations and general idea that yes, you should try to get as high a grade as possible, but don't worry if you end up with a B or a C. I mean, sometimes the reason for those grades is stupid mistakes or weird circumstances involving lost homework or forgotten problems or skipped questions. I don't think grades accurately portray each student because each is different. Some have all A's but don't have to try because they're naturally smart. Some have low A's and high B's because, well, they try extremely hard but sometimes things just don't click. And some have C's because they care about more important things and they don't want to try on their homework when they could be with friends or family or better things. I don't know what this post turned into, but I do know that I always feel guilty for neglecting and avoiding my school work...even when bad things don't seem to happen. I wish you a very good week; I will be done with my last final (german) on thursday about 75 minutes before 2:25pm. Probably a little before that, but you know. Also, to throw on some extra stress from the above not studying is I work tomorrow night and I have so much studying to do. I'm going to be either horrible in college during finals, or the most efficient studier ever.