Life is hard sometimes.

Today was...chaotic, to say the least. I worked on my quote book gift, fangirled over Game of Thrones at lunch, nearly passed out during Prometheus, wrote and recorded a new song, and got my rejection letter for the Songwriting major at Belmont. I know that a load of good and bad things, but overall I'm looking at them as positives. Well, okay, only two of them seem bad. But when I felt like passing out, the good news is that I handled it well (thanks to Laura) and did not faint. I felt the symptoms coming on, which were terrible, and made a break for the bathroom. I could try to describe the symptoms (fuzziness, numbness, not caring about the rest of the world because you feel like you're going to die, feeling hot, feeling as if you're suffocating), but they're much worse when you experience them yourself. Laura caught on to my inadvertent cries for help (me fanning myself because it was hot and I was scared to death) and really kept me calm and told me to go do something. I don't know how many of you have fainted before, but coming from someone with experience, it is so freaking scary. When you actually faint, you're suddenly floating in blackness and you kinda think "Wait...I was somewhere...I was doing something..." and then you wake up and you kinda can't hear for a second or two and you find you're on the ground/in the front car seat or something and everyone/your mother is staring at you in shock and panic and you feel completely okay. Well, ish. That's how my first accident was. I woke up to my art class crowded around me while I was flat on my back on the art room floor. And then suddenly all the kids I don't like/who don't like me all that much are asking if I'm okay and acting all scared and caring about me. Don't pass out in school. It's too much trouble. I guess it just really freaked me out this afternoon because it was so unexpected and I thought I could handle R rated movies. Like, I don't know if it was because I hadn't been drinking or if I had low blood sugar or what, but my best guess is that for some reason my body couldn't handle a C-section on screen with blood and staples and a baby alien. It's freaking me out to even type this. And, because of that, I've come to a more finite conclusion: I will do everything in my power to make sure I do not get pregnant. If I get crazy then sure, I'll adopt, but I will never ever ever be pregnant.

And as for the rejection letter, if you saw my other post(s) about Belmont and majors and songwriting, you might know how I'm feeling now. Yes bummed, but mostly relieved. Like, I'm actually kinda excited to say I'll probably major in Audio and Video Production and minor in Photography. I haven't really told my mom yet, so...there's that...

I guess right now life is really topsy-turvy. Amazing things have happened, but also some more dismal things. And the dismal things seem to just overpower the amazing fantastic things. Like, I've found myself more tired (partially because of Game of Thrones, but whatever), and I just have this feeling of impending doom and utter numbness. Physics is killing me, and with the threat of finals on the horizon, I'm starting to panic a little. Plus add in the added stress of essays, work, Christmas (for gifts, mainly), and yeah. I am not in good shape. Like, I am...but I'm really not at all. It's days like this where I want to grab one or two of my girlfriends and just talk until 2am. And cry a little. Or a lot. And listen to sad music.

Mainly right now I want winter break so I can watch Game of Thrones with Laura, take pictures of her and her boyfriend, spend time with my family and some good food, get pretty things, watch Christmas movies (like ELF), look at pretty lights, shiver to death everywhere I go, and just forget about all the crap I'll have to do in 2013. After that I want it to skip straight to May so I can turn 18. Then skip to June for Graduation. Then fast forward to my open house. And my friends'. And hopefully Foundations at Belmont. And then skip ahead to August for TAYLOR SWIFT AND ED SHEERAN. Then hopefully welcome week at Belmont. Then just kinda go through the months so I can be in college. And then right back to Christmas. Let's do that. No more random months in between.

Hopefully I can get enough strength to go to school and work tomorrow. Life is hard sometimes.