Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I gave up on all my responsibilities. This afternoon was very foggy. By lunch time I was just fed up with everything. And by the time I got to study hall I ended up just not finishing my Calculus homework because I could not understand a single problem. Part of it was that the math is hard, part of it was that my teacher doesn't teach us, but a majority of my problem was the looming pile of work I have tonight. And it was one of those times where instead of minimizing the size of that pile, I decided to just chuck it for the time being and listen to Florence + the Machine.
I told you this would happen. Get yourself into school and you want to die. I kind of wish I was seriously sick so I could just stay home and half do nothing, half do all my homework. Because I have tests and quizzes and I honestly do not understand half of what I'm learning. And then they pile more on and I just don't know what I'm doing. And I'm beyond the point of caring...but I still do. And I don't try to actually learn or understand, I just push it away so I get lost further. And then you add in all the other things I want/have to do, and it really just makes me want to put on sad music and cry and hug someone for a long period of time. And I don't really have anyone like that available.
I have new ideas for a novel. Again.
You have no idea how close I am to just throwing myself under my covers and taking a nap. But I have make-up on and I need to be working on my novel since I convinced myself to do homework at four. Future me, please tell me it gets easier.
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